Where Adventure Lives

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If the Carl and Ellie’s love story at the beginning of Up didn’t leave your eyes teary, your throat all choked up and your heart full and heavy, were you even watching?

“Adventure is out there!”

I’ve always been something of a nomad. I crave adventure, an escape from reality, and mostly just more. More experiences, more beauty, more culture, more depth, more life. When the everyday gets mundane, my mind wanders and naturally, my desire to wander with it burns fierce.

Rob is not a nomad. He’s a homebody, a homemaker, a stabilizer. All our recent adult behavior has been at his influence. I cried when we spent all our money on a down payment for a house. I cried when we got a dog…and once or twice or fifty times since. When we invest in home improvements instead of vacations, I usually cry.

I haven’t quite mastered this adulting gig. Thankfully, Rob is eternally patient. He consoles me through my weekly freak-outs (weekly is conservative). He understands my need to travel and though he’d rather stay home and save money, we take a lot of vacations.

Carl and Ellie’s love story hits home for us, ever so literally. I gave Rob “Our Adventure Book” on our wedding day, filled with memories from the years we’ve spent together. Ironically (for me), so many highlights happened right here, during our everyday life. I just finished adding our first year of marriage to our scrapbook and again, I’m reminded of what an adventure this life is, what a splendid adventure it is to be married to Robert Stettler.

Adventure is out there. And it’s also right here.

 

P.s. I really do love my dog. Promise. 😊

I Can Breathe

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My trainer became a runner by saying to herself over and over, “I can breathe.”

She was simply aiming to motivate my tired peers and myself during workout class when she told us, but being newly pregnant, I recognized those three words as the most coveted advice. Advice for everything.

I can breathe.

I’m 13 weeks pregnant (+3 days). I’m anxious. All the time. Not anxious in that I’m chomping at the bit to meet and hold my baby as soon as possible or I’ll pull my hair out, no, the time will pass, as it always does, and I have A LOT to do to prepare. My anxiety lives a little further below the surface, which makes sense, because that’s where my baby lives. I’m anxious for my baby to be okay. Pregnancy is scary. Babies are delicate. There are so many things beyond our control. Sometimes, bad things happen. Sometimes, babies aren’t okay.

I can breathe.

I’ve only recently made the connection that life is just like pregnancy. Life is scary. Humans are delicate. There are so many things beyond our control. Sometimes, bad things happen. Sometimes, the ones we love aren’t okay. Ironically though, that’s what makes the whole journey so dang beautiful. Because life is scary, it’s exhilarating. Because humans are delicate, they are the greatest treasure. Because so many things are beyond our control, we’re free. Because bad things happen, we don’t take the good for granted. There’s so much good. Because the ones we love aren’t going to be okay, we love them harder than we knew we could.

I can breathe.

Fear isn’t entirely negative. Discovering the beauty buried in fear has helped me breathe during my pregnancy thus far. When I intentionally breathe, I can feel my whole body wrapping itself around my baby. Hugging it. Embracing it. I won’t let fear of what could happen hinder me from fully embracing this astronomic little gift. I can’t. In all reality, my baby is already earth side, it just happens to live inside of me. Up until a few months ago, I never questioned people talking about the mothers pregnant women were going to be. Now though, I find it strange. Now I know. Pregnant women are already mothers. Anyone who has ever been pregnant already knows a love free from conditions, a love fiercer than any other. Motherhood started with my magical poppy seed and ends when I die, if then. I’m already more blessed than my mere human mind can comprehend. This journey is scary beautiful. And I can breathe.